07/28/2010

Stress and Demands:

A quick reference with counseling wisdom and biblical insights to help make you more effective at what you do.

We love being a part of your life! Tim Clinton, Ed.D. President, AACC

July 28 – Aug 3 Stress and Demands

Action Step

1. Gain Perspective
• Gain some perspective on what is causing the stress. “Break apart” the stress overload into manageable pieces, and begin to address each component.
2. Consider What God Is Doing
• One of the best antidotes to stress is seeing God’s purposes in the difficulties and believing that God intends some good outcome.
• God may use certain situations to develop one of the fruits of the Spirit in you. Knowing that God uses every situation—even the petty, irritating situations of life—to teach you to become more like Jesus can help you feel less stressed by things you cannot control.
3. Get Alone with God
• Planned times of quiet and solitude are a good balance to a busy life.
• Cultivating a heart of prayer helps you see God’s perspective and to more fully experience His presence throughout the day (Ps. 16:8–11).
• Many use prayer as a way to change a stressful situation. Although this is not a bad idea, often prayer does not change the situation as much as it changes you and your orientation to stressful people and situations.
• As you purposely quiet your heart each day, the Holy Spirit has a chance to change the way you see your stressful situation.
4. Share Your Burden with Others
• You can share your burden literally or figuratively. In other words, you can ask others to help with some of your responsibilities and you can talk about your stressors, which can bring relief and prayer support.
• Perhaps some of the stress is because you’re doing too much. Even Moses had to delegate when he got overwhelmed (Exod. 18:13–23). Maybe you can do the same.
5. Guard Your Heart
• Stress has a way of orienting us toward the things that are wrong in our lives. It pushes us to forget the good and godly things in our life and, instead, to see and believe that only bad things are going on.
• Guard your heart and mind against such stress-induced negativity and pessimism. Take time each day to check your thinking and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5), focusing on God and allowing him to change your perspective.
6. Live Intentionally
• Stop majoring in minor things. At the end of life, many will realize that they spent most of their time on what mattered least, and the least time on what mattered most.
• Decide what is really important, choose your priorities, and live for them.
• Become more intentional about the way you spend your time and energy. Learn to say no to things that are just not that important.
7. Get Help (Respect Your Limits)
• Often our lives become filled with stress because we refuse to accept our limits or we are completely boxed in and paralyzed by them.
• Feeling overwhelmed may be a reminder that you are not living within the limits and boundaries that God has created for you. It may be time to reevaluate, cut back, say no, or slow down. Even Moses was confronted by his father-in-law, Jethro, for doing more than he should have been doing (Exod. 18:17–18).
8. Laugh a Little (Laugh a Lot)
• Allow for some levity in your life. Take time for a comic strip, a favorite saying, a joke.
• From time to time, find something to laugh about for so long and so hard that your sides hurt when you are done.

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight. -Benjamin Franklin

Biblical Insights

Jesus reminded His followers: “in the world you will have tribulation” (John 16:33). The prophet Isaiah wrote that God gives peace in spite of conflict and turmoil. Peace is so basic to God’s nature that it is part of His name. God the Father is the “God of peace” (Phil. 4:9; Heb. 13:20). God the Son is the Prince of Peace (Isa. 9:6). The Holy Spirit produces peace in our lives (Gal. 5:22). To have “perfect peace,” wrote Isaiah, we must focus our minds on God and trust in Him.

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. John 14:1

The disciples were bewildered and discouraged. Jesus had said He was going away, that He would die, that one of the disciples was a traitor, and that Peter would deny Him. “Let not your heart be troubled,” Jesus told them. Believers can rest their troubled hearts, knowing that Jesus is in control regardless of the circumstances.

Persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed . . . 2 Corinthians 4:9

For us, each day is filled with different levels of stress. Regardless of occupation, age, social status, or lifestyle, we experience stress. We bring some stressors on ourselves—because of poor planning, saying yes too often, or being disorganized. We need to learn from these experiences so we don’t allow ourselves to become overwhelmed again. Stress also arises from factors outside our control—the weather, a broken computer, an unexpected difficulty or sorrow. At these times, we can control only our reactions to the stress. Our reactions reveal our character and our trust in God.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Stress and its companion, worry, do their best to immobilize believers. People are anxious about the future; they are anxious about events that haven’t happened but could happen. So what can believers do about their stresses? When we give our stress to God, He replaces it with His peace that “surpasses all understanding.” When we feel stress rising, we should turn to God in prayer. He will give us the peace He promised.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. James 1:2–3

Everyone faces trials in one form or another. We cannot control what we will encounter, but we can control the stress level that situations cause. Instead of being stressed, we can try being joyful. Joy is not a natural reaction to difficulty, but one that the Holy Spirit can provide. For this to happen we must choose an attitude that looks expectantly to the lessons God will teach and the wisdom He will provide. There’s no better prescription for dealing with stress.

07/27/2010

Looking in the Right Direction:

Have you found yourself in the gutter of life? Wondering what happened? Asking yourself, “How did I get here?” Plain or pretty. Young or old. Rich or poor. Job reminds us that “Man who is born of woman is few of days and full of trouble.” (Job14:1) Trouble will find you. It is inevitable. When you are down and out, there are only 2 types of people. You are either lying in the gutter face down…or face up. Face down with your nose in the murky muck. Stuck, staring into the muddy mess of your mistakes. Feeling like there is no hope…no future. Your breath won’t come and you feel like there is no air. Or, you are flat on your back looking up. Looking up into the sky viewing the dreams God still has for you. When you’re face up, you can declare with the Psalmist David that, “The heavens declare the Glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork.” (Psalm 19:1). How do you turn it around? Jesus shares in John 16:33 that, “In the world you will have trouble…but take courage; I have overcome the world.” You are not alone. You can overcome…even the in the most dire circumstances. Even in mistakes of your own making. The Savior who walked on water will lift you out of the mire and set your feet on solid ground. A person usually winds up going in the direction they are facing. Cast your eyes upon Him. See Him. Reach for Him. Admit where you are. Realize whose you are. Your freedom is at hand. And by the way…winners always look up!  

07/03/2010

Parenting Hard-to-Manage Kids:

May I make a confession? I doubt that I could be a good parent in today’s world. Perhaps it’s because I have lived long enough to see better times and places for raising kids. Perhaps it’s just because I no longer have the energy to face the daunting challenges that parents face today. Whatever! Bottom line is that parenting has NEVER in the history of mankind been more challenging than it is today. To read more Click here

06/17/2010

AACC Weekly Biblical Insight – July 12 – 18, 2010:

June 21 – June 27 Addiction and Substance Abuse in the Family

Action Steps

The following Action Steps are directed to the counselor.

1. Arrange for a Contract and Accountability
• Help the addict commit to some form of accountability and help, at the most serious level to which he or she will agree. If the client will sign a contract with you, agreeing to stop use and get immediate help for the addiction, he or she is serious about change. If not this, seek an agreement for a time-limited period, at least until your next meeting with the client. Help the person make a commitment to some type of Christian recovery program or to attend a local AA meeting and get a sponsor.
2. Prevent the User from Driving While Intoxicated
• To protect family members, the user, and innocent bystanders, you need to convince this person to stop driving or doing anything while under the influence.
• The Club and other antitheft devices prohibit driving; sophisticated electronic devices can prevent driving unless a Breathalyzer test is first passed.
• Point out that this is for the good of the client and others, and that continued use of the substance will cause repercussions in the rest of his or her life—not being able to drive to work or to go other places.
• Develop a plan with the counselee restricting driving privileges the first time he or she drives under the influence (this means the counselor or a responsible adult in the counselee’s life will take the keys to the vehicle of the counselee). It would be a good idea for the plan to be signed by both the counselor and the client to enhance accountability and participation. This sets a clear boundary regarding substance abuse and imitates what will happen if a DUI citation is imposed.
3. Assure a Thorough Medical Checkup
• A medical exam will rule out any medical problems caused by use of the substance.
• An addiction such as alcoholism in its late stages progresses to a diseased state, so treatment from a doctor is certainly recommended.
• A physician can also prescribe any medicine that may be helpful to sobriety, especially when a dual disorder is involved.
4. Get Professional Help
• Encourage the user to allow a professional in chemical dependency to assess whether the substance use is an addiction. Such assessments are available at community mental health agencies, some hospitals, and community substance abuse centers (common in urban and suburban areas and through county governments in many rural areas). A professional counselor can also be very helpful in assessing and treating an addiction, or a dual disorder, if one is present.
5. Encourage Family Members to Seek Support
• Your community may have various 12-step support groups, such as Al-Anon, Families Anonymous, or a Christ-centered recovery program. You may need to do some research and direct the family to a good program. These programs are based on the “Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous,” the most successful program in the world to date for treating addiction.

Biblical Insights

• Many alcoholics are so dependent on alcohol that they begin early in the morning and continue drinking until late at night.
• The tragedy of addiction is that it influences and dominates the desires and choices of the addicted.
• The even greater tragedy is that addicted people reject the Lord’s work in their lives. God alone can provide the lasting comfort, joy, and relief that people mistakenly seek in alcohol.

• Addictions are powerful enemies to our relationship with God. Whether the addiction is to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, web-surfing, shopping, or whatever, addicted people can attest to their apparent inability to control their desires.
• Addictions usually begin very subtly—an experience, substance, or individual that brings pleasure begins to become an obsession. Eventually, the obsession takes control. Rarely can a person escape the addiction without some form of intervention.
• Addicts must determine to change, replace the addictive substance with something more wholesome, and then finally find a different way to meet their need.
• Addictions destroy individuals, families, friendships, reputations, and careers. Addictions make people victims of their own desires and compulsions.
• Despite all this, God offers hope to the addict. God wants to free His people from anything that takes His rightful place in their lives. He wants to show them that He can meet all their needs. With God’s help and the compassionate accountability of other believers, addicts can be set free—bought back. Jesus has already paid the price.

• God gave people “richly all things to enjoy” (1 Tim. 6:17), but Satan works tirelessly to take God’s blessings and twist them into evil.
• Believers may enjoy many things, as long as Scripture does not forbid them, but they must never allow themselves to be controlled or “brought under the power of any.”

• These verses describe some of those sinful desires that believers should “put to death.” Sexual sins, evil desires, and covetousness (a form of idolatry) should have no place in a believer’s heart.
• It takes a conscious daily decision to say no to these sinful temptations and rely on the Holy Spirit’s power to overcome them.
• Read with the client: Ephesians 1:15–21; Colossians 1:9–18; 1 Thessalonians 2:19–20; and Titus 1:2.

06/15/2010

The Anatomy of Anxiety:

Formatio Editorial by Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., www.bcsfn.com I believe that God intended for us to experience a mood that is the “flip side” of anxiety. If we are to understand the “disorder” of anxiety, we must understand the “order” that sin has disordered. What normal, healthy, God-given process has become perturbed in anxiety? Vigilance Anxiety is vigilance out of control and out of context. God designed us with the mood of vigilance which is meant to move us to relationship and impact. With vigilance, God puts us in fast motion, urges us to act quickly in response to a life threat. Anxiety is “stuck vigilance.” Vigilance is proper, constructive concern for the well-being of others, the world, and self. Anxiety is vigilance minus faith in the Father. Vigilance results in tend and befriend behavior. Anxiety results in flight or fight behavior. Anxiety is vigilance that does not turn us back to trust. It leads us to a toxic scanning of our environment. God says, “Be vigilant! Be alert! Take your stand, and having done all, stand firm! Quit ye like men!” Anxiety says, “What if? I can’t handle this! I have to run. I have to fight. I have to self-protect!” Anxiety is scanning without standing. Instead of scanning and standing, we scan, and scan, and scan… It is continual worry. Continued “what if?” thinking and feeling. The Family Tree of Anxiety Vigilant faith, anxiety, and anger are cousins. Their family tree? Vigor, from which we gain three related words: vigilante, vigil, and vigorous. Anxiety and anger involve vigilance without faith and without love. They are non-trust, non-relational responses to threat. Vigilance, on the other hand, is a trust, relational response to threat. It relates to others by protecting the person being threatened. It relates to others by engaging, challenging, confronting (not attacking) the person doing the threatening. It relates to God by trusting that what He calls me to do, he equips me to fulfill. Picture it this way:

1. Anger: The Fight Response to Threat—Attack: Vigilante Justice. Taking matters into my own hands.
2. Anxiety: The Flight Response to Threat—Retreat: Vigil without Action. Taking my safety into my own hands. “If I worry enough, at least I feel as if I have some control.”
3. Vigilance: The Faith Response to Threat—Befriend and Tend (Engage and Protect): Vigorous Response.

Taking the safety of myself and others and surrendering it to God’s hands while I take a stand for God’s plan. It is befriending and tending to others even when I am threatened. Called to Sentry Duty The root “vig” relates to sentry. God built into our brains a sentry. A sentinel. Adam went off sentry duty when he allowed his wife to be attacked by Satan without intervening. He failed to use his vigor—his energy, force, power given to him from God to “keep the garden” and to “cleave to his wife.” Where does fear fit into this equation? We know that fear is a God-given emotion. We are called to fear God. Why did God create us with a capacity to fear, and how does fear run amok? Fear is our response to uncertainty about our resources in the face of danger. We are assaulted by a force that overwhelms us. Then we are compelled to face that we are helpless and that ultimately our safety is out of our control. Faith faces this reality by trusting in the unseen reality of a God who cares and controls. Fear compels me to face my neediness. Anxiety is fear without faith. It is vigilance run amok. We scan the horizon constantly, fearfully, but without ever taking action or responsibility. And without clinging to God. Biblical Models Jesus models constructive vigilance in the garden. He faced His dread of death (Matthew 26:39). And He placed faith in His Father’s good heart and strong hands (Matthew 26:39). Jesus’ disciples modeled destructive fear and anxiety. Peter at one point chose the fight response of vigilante justice—cutting off an ear! At another point Peter chose the flight response of vigil without action—denying the Lord three times. All of the disciples displayed the inability to hold a vigil. “Could you not keep vigil with me one hour?” Faith or Fear? Healthy vigilance and a godly response to fear prompt us to relationship: trusting God with faith. And it prompts us to impact: protecting others through vigilance with vigor. Abnormal, unhealthy, sinful anxiety prompts us to retreat from relationship: we turn to inward scanning without relational trust in God. And it prompts us to retreat from impact: we experience vigilance without vigor as we self-protect instead of lovingly and strongly protecting others. Fear of God roots us in the essence of existence not in the externals of our situation. Where does fear drive us? To protect ourselves through the flight response of anxiety or the fight response of anger? Or to God, our Protector who empowers us to tend and befriend (“Guard the garden!”)?